The 2025 NFL Draft is just around the corner, as we enter April 1st, 2025, which is April Fools. Like the late great Brodie Lee always said, “You Know What That Means.” It’s NFL Mock draft time, the most hilarious part of the year. Thousands of mock drafts have been blasted all over social media. However, those mock drafters are missing the big picture and a ton of prospects who are available.
This is the most accurate and 100% easy money mock draft ever done. There are no trades because that is too chaotic and laughable. The NFL should ban draft-day trades, as they are not good TV. So, let’s get into the mock draft with the Houston Oilers now on the clock.
GG Bowzer has had an interesting football career and is notable for his time at Georgia University. He has also been a part of the rap and hip-hop industry since 2021. His music has earned a successful block rate on social media, leading to his rise in the NFL draft rooms.
Many often called him one of the top blockers in football, and the Titans want to enforce the trenches before drafting a franchise QB. A big concern is that his pro comparison is Isaiah Wilson, often regarded as one of the biggest busts in Titans history. Hopefully, GG Bowser won’t be able to throw away his career like that guy did.
With all the poor quarterback play that has been going on, it’s time for the franchise to get an adult in the room. The old prospect in the QB class this year is Tyler Shough, and this kid has it. After being one of the significant standouts at the combine, Browns scouts were sold on him.
Yes, it didn’t work out with Brandon Weeden, but Kevin Stefanski, the best coach this franchise has had in a while, can make it work. Deshaun Watson won’t play due to a ruptured Achilles, so Shough will be an immediate game changer.
The Giants desperately need a QB since the Daniel Jones saga was a flop. Adding Russ AND Winston doesn’t solve the issue. Tommy Devito can’t stay healthy, Drew Lock isn’t good, and Tim Boyle is a scrub. This team has not had a QB since the Eli Manning days. This team needs another Manning.
Arch is not available, but his backup QB is Quinn Ewers. Ewers was in the QB room with a member of the Manning family, and that magic will transfer to Ewers when he steps on the field. He will be a perfect franchise QB, due to his experience in the locker room with Manning. Did we forget he played with Arch Manning? That’s crazy and so amazing for any NFL prospect.
The Patriots may finally have their QB of the future in Drake Maye. However, the Patriots need to find their kicker of the future. After all, you must sometimes make clutch kicks to win games. Who knew how to make clutch kicks as a Patriot? The answer is Adam Vinatieri, the greatest kicker in football history.
We need somebody similar in his build to make kicks. Well, there is a Vinatieri who is planning to kick in college, and it is his son A.J. Who cares if he has never kicked anything in college yet? He is a Vinatieri. He would be perfect for this franchise, and we will reward a legend like Adam Vinatieri, who helped fuel the Patriots dynasty in the early days.
Remember that meeting AEW Promoter Tony Khan had with Shane McMahon. Many thought that it involved Shane getting to be a part of the company. Well, that might not be the truth 100% as the talk involved football. Tony Khan’s father, Shahid Khan, also owns the Jacksonville Jaguars football team, and Shane wanted to ensure something with Tony.
He wanted him to draft his son Declan McMahon, who currently plays running back at Indiana University. According to Shane McMahon, he might be the best running back prospect in many years. Tony Khan convinces Shad about the plan to draft Declan to rebuild the team.
This franchise is known to love speedy prospects. After all, they learned from the mistake of passing on a speedy Calvin Johnson and instead drafted JaMarcus Russell. Although his throwing on one knee sold us, other franchises would do the same thing.
Well, this year the Raiders stick to speedy-type prospects and select Maxwell Hairston. He ran the fastest 40-yard dash with a time of 4.28 seconds. That immediately sold us on him, and with Pete Carroll knowing cornerbacks, he can easily develop him as a player on the defense.
The Aaron Rodgers saga is nearing its end, and as a result, they desperately need a quarterback. A player not mentioned but who makes the most sense is Flash Godron from Yale University.
Especially after the legend of his time on planet Mongo, where he led the Hawkman against Ming the Emperor. The Jets squad needs a leader badly and somebody who can change the culture. Along with his rocket arm, the potential is too good to pass on.
The Carolina Panthers showed a ton of potential last year, and Bryce Young looked competent as the quarterback. The next goal for this franchise is to draft someone who knows how to play like a Panther and can scout one. Heck, this guy knows how to find panthers, including the rare pink ones, which is just fascinating.
That man is Inspector Jacques Clouseau, and he will be an asset in both the locker room and the scouting room. He can even find the rare gems in the draft process; it is perfect.
The New Orleans Saints are still having cap issues. Mickey Loomis will need some help managing it both in the short term and long term. They need an accountant who has been growing in that particular market.
The New Orleans Saints heard about Kevin Malone, who works at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, and he has gotten some great recommendations (Michael Scott). We could use this selection on a player, but managing the cap is more critical; drafting Kevin Malone can help us. We may even get a good sponsorship deal from Dunder Mifflin Paper Company as well. It’s a win-win.
In Chicago, we believe in loyalty. Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time, and as a Chicago team, we feel it is important to support his family. His son Marcus will be given a chance to make an impact in the NFL, and he has experience as a guard. The Bears’ line was awful last year, and Jordan can help out with that.
There is a risk here as he has the issues off the field. Marcus has had multiple arrests, substance abuse problems, and whatever the heck his relationship with Scottie Pippen’s ex-wife was. However, this 34-year-old has Michael Jordan’s genetics, so why not take a chance? The Lakers did it with Bronny James during the NBA Draft, so why not?
The San Francisco 49ers have dealt with a lot of injuries in the past few seasons. To prevent that from happening, the 49ers will not be taking a player. No, we’re going with a doctor here, and it’s the legend himself, Dr. Peter Venkman. Yes, he is a parapsychologist, but he can expand his knowledge further in the medical field.
He will help out when they face Seattle with Sam Darnold there. After all, he is known to see ghosts when throwing the football. Dr. Venkman will be clutch in this role. Just remember: when the Seahawks come to town for a game, when there is something strange in your neighborhood, who are we gonna call?
Cowboy fans need to recognize that showing loyalty to our alumni is essential. Dez Bryant was one of the best receivers for Dallas in the 2010s. His son Dez Jr. is a football player, too, and is getting scholarship opportunities.
Well, how about instead of the scholarships, why not have him join the Dallas Cowboys organization immediately? He will build great chemistry with Dak Prescott. Worse or worse, he would be perfect at running back.
The Miami Dolphins will ensure that a Tagovailoa starts every game next season. This is why we will draft Adam Amosa-Tagovailoa to ensure the goal is reached. Yes, Tua’s cousin is also the pick here, as they need o-line help to quiet the fans that a Tagovailoa never plays every game a season.
They can’t complain if there is one Tagovailoa on the Dolphins who plays every game right, except for Tyreek Hill, who is a complete piece of work both off and on the field.
That’s right, the rumors are true. Jeff Saturday is making a comeback in the NFL. Not only did he previously play as a Colt, but he was also a coach. Now, he’s willing to do the whole draft process all over again.
He’s that dedicated, and the Colts organization trusts him in this journey. The Colts are willing to use a first-round draft pick just to ensure he gets that opportunity in the NFL. A center is a position of need with Ryan Kelly’s departure.
The Falcons are yet again stunning the NFL world by taking another NFL QB in round 1. This time, Sam Bradford is making another comeback in the NFL. This franchise interest is not regarding his on-the-field talent, but as a sense of guidance.
This is especially true in detecting a player who bag chases and ensuring we don’t overpay. After all, the usual saying with Bradford is, “He may not reach his potential, but his bank account is reaching his upside.” Hopefully, his comeback will bring success to the Falcons, and we can wipe the 28-3 meme from existence.
Larry Fitzgerald is one of the greatest NFL receivers and an absolute legend with the Arizona Cardinals. His son is trying to follow in his dad’s footsteps, becoming a football player. Currently, he’s in high school and getting college offers.
Well, why not make an offer he won’t refuse? Why not draft him to the same team his father played this year? He won’t need college football and can be another excellent target for Kyler Murray to throw to. It worked with Marvin Harrison Jr, getting a child of a great receiver, why not do the same here?
The Bengals have a ton of team needs on defense; however, they need some insurance. Especially if Tee Higgins doesn’t sign here long term, a Plan B option needs to be prepared, so receiver is the way to go here. Even if he does sign long-term, it never hurts to give him another target to throw to. There are plenty of options, including Travis Hunter, Tetoria McMillan, Emeka Egbuka, etc. However, they don’t know how to play like a Bengal.
Who does? Jeff Weiner from Idaho State. After all, their football team name is the Bengals, and Weiner had an above 1,000-yard season. Heck, he even caught 6 touchdowns as well. He would be perfect to take a chance on Round 1 and play like a Bengal.
Seattle is fuming with the 49ers taking their top prospects off the board. They need a player who can bust and hunt ghosts. Especially with the addition of Sam Darnold and paying him 100 million, we need to invest in ensuring Lumen Field is not haunted for Seahawks games. So let’s get another Ghostbusters from Columbia University named Ray Stanz. He knows Ghost to ensure Darnold is calm.
This franchise needs a player who knows how to play like a Buc. The perfect player would be Thanasis Antetokounmpo, who usually plays as a shooting forward for the franchise. He is also seen as a locker room leader and greatly supports his brother Giannis. With his 6’7″ height, he would be perfect at tight end. Now, durability is a big question as he tore his Achilles in 2024, but when healthy, he will benefit and maybe help to lure Giannis to play here.
We might have misspelled the word “Bucs” when completing his scouting report and sending the pick. Can we get a redo of the pick here? No, well, this stinks.
Deion Sanders has lit the world on fire by coaching in the NCAA. He has made Colorado University an attraction, and the Denver Broncos feel a need to reward him. So with the Broncos’ first-round pick, they select his son.
No, not Shedeur, because of how well Bo Nix played, it would be ridiculous to draft another. No, we’re taking his other son, Shilo, who will provide us with a significant need at secondary. Plus, we need him to teach others how to avoid filing for bankruptcy and not be a piece of work off the field.
The Pittsburgh Steelers love doing four things in the Steelers era. Get an above .500 record, play down to inferior competition, have absolute cancers in the locker room, and they play mean. You know who would fit in well here. UFC legend Connor McGregor makes sense.
After all, the Steelers will be playing in Ireland next season, and he will be a marketable asset for them. McGregor playing fullback is the way to go here, and he won’t shy away from showcasing his physicality. While he is on the wrong side of 30 and has off-the-field problems, Mike Tomlin will keep him in check.
The Chargers need some speed. Quinton Johnson has become a constant disappointment. Well, we have a player who has speed, can be molded as a wide receiver, and knows how to capture a sports market. That man is Usain Bolt, and he’s perfect.
Heck, he knows how to Bolt Up and knows the phrases for the franchise. With some coaching and improving his hands, this 38-year-old athlete will be the perfect receiver for Herbert to throw to. Worse, or worse, he’s a weapon to use on special teams as a punt returner.
Curly Lambeau is among the most important figures in the NFL and Green Bay history. Especially since Curly Lambeau founded the Green Bay Packers, that is why the Packers stadium is called Lambeau Field. We must continue to honor this man, so we have decided to draft a man with the same first name.
That’s right. Curly Howard is the next draft pick, and he would be perfect for this franchise. While he is a bit of a stooge and doesn’t have the highest IQ, he can show up and play around. He will succeed here with some extra coaching and by allowing his friends Larry and Moe to work as waterboys for motivation.
The Vikings surprised everyone last season and made the playoffs. They need to get more depth on defense which can be physical and hard-hitting. They need a Berzerker, after all, they are the Minnesota Vikings.
Well, there is a Berzerker available in the draft, his name is John Nord from Parts Unknown University. While Nord is 65 years old and has had health/off-the-field issues, with his Bexerker mentality, he would fit well with the Vikings culture.
The Houston Texans have been a weird team this offseason. So weird that their first-round pick is going to be on special teams. They could use a punter, and with 1st round picks, the Texans want to experiment with a player who punted his NBA career so much.
That’s right; the Texans are going with Jontay Porter in this selection. While he is a Pete Rose Betting Association member and betting on games got him banned by the NBA, the raw talent is too good to pass on.
The Rams are all in on Matthew Stafford, but the past few years have been chaotic off the field. Especially with Matthew’s piece-of-work wife admitting she dated Stafford’s college backup QB to make him jealous. She used his backup QB emotionally to get Stafford to want her. She even gleefully told this story in public to many podcasters. She did apologize, but the problem is that many don’t believe her apology at all. So the Rams will play peacemaker here by drafting him in round 1.
In fact, not only will he play on the field, but he can transition as the QB/TE coach. He has coaching experience, and McVay could give him pointers on his coaching tactics. Hec,k maybe he will be the one promoted to head coach if McVay ever chooses to leave. It’s a win-win.
With the addition of King Derrick Henry on the roster, more royalty needs to be added in that backfield. While Prince Harry is available in California, this pick will be a more international pick. It will eventually be used in the air to the throne of Great Britain.
That’s right, Prince William of Wales will be the next pick. He has the experience to step up when the top member of royalty departs so that he would be perfect. While running a country, he can also help market the Baltimore Ravens brand in the English market. It would be ideal for everyone involved in this selection.
Dan Campbell loves players who are willing to bite a kneecap and play mean. Who is known to play mean, well, Greg Meany from the University of Louisiana. He also sounds like a choo-choo train and was solid through most of last season.
Until the Bourbon Bowl hit, when he was powerbombed by Bobby Boucher. Hopefully, he can get past that and play like before the powerbomb.
Washington Commanders were one of the surprise teams last season. However, there is a fear that Jayden Daniels will want a pay increase soon. Yes, three more years are left on his deal, but the organization needs to prepare for Plan B whenever that day comes. This pick will be on a quarterback and one that is left-handed.
There are a few concerns regarding Falco. The two main ones are his choking in the 1996 Sugar Bowl and his habit of scrambling prematurely due to his constantly crumbling under pressure. However, there is potential, as he put up a solid performance at the end of his time with the Washington Sentinels.
This Franchise is cursed. It’s been evident throughout their history. Bad luck is just attracted to this franchise, no matter what they do or how they do it. This franchise needs someone who knows a thing or two about breaking curses.
That’s right. We’re drafting the legend himself, Rick O’Connell. He is exceptionally skilled at breaking curses, such as Imhotep twice and Qin Shi Huang, to save the world. He may not have any football experience, but he is tough and has strong leadership skills. He is a perfect match for the Buffalo Bills here.
The Kansas City Chiefs drafted Sandcastle’s dad first overall in 2013. He continued in this franchise-changing for the better. He was a defined Swiss army knife-type player as he played cornerback, wide receiver, and kicker.
So yeah, Travis Hunter better take notes there. We’re focused on loyalty by taking his son Leon Jr., strengthening the team for a while, and hopefully getting another Super Bowl added to the dynasty.
In Brother Love, it’s time to show respect to the man himself. Brother Love becomes the Eagles’ first-round pick as they don’t have many needs, and he is a depth piece that can be a locker room leader.
After all, Brother Love helped out The Undertaker during his first year in WWE and has experience handling the media, as he used to work for the Brother Love show. He may be 62 years old, but who cares about the future? The Eagles have a potential dynasty, and Brother Love can help extend it with his love and respect.
So those are who will be drafted in the 2025 NFL Draft. This is the most realistic draft ever and is guaranteed 100% accurate. Oh, who am I kidding? Happy April Fools, everybody. I hope you enjoyed the article. Which of the bunch of picks did you like above? Let me know in the comment section, and don’t forget to give the article a like. Remember to also check out other NFL content on the website.
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